a Rearranged Life

In all of my church experiences, I’ve never been a hand-raiser.  A few years back we visited a different church. I laughed long and hard when my hubbs observed that some people seemed to be looking for better reception.

…and things change {things like my heart}.

Flash forward a few years, and there I am “looking for better reception,” hand raised in worship.  It’s new to me, kind of awkward and incredibly comfortable all at once – this abandon in worship, in saying with more than just my voice that He is Lord.  I love it.

But today?

Today was a little different.

In communion, in being reminded of the sacrifice of a savior my savior, in Jesus presence, I felt the need, not to raise my hand up, but to release my grip on the chair in front of me, to open my palms and RECEIVE.

I see people do it.  It’s not new, but man is it TOUGH.  Why is this so difficult?

Receiving is so much harder.  Admitting need is so much more difficult.  It’s hard on the 86-year-old lady with the pristine yard – she still is clinging to the hope of regaining her independence.  While that seems downright stupid to you and I, WE AREN’T IN HER SHOES.  Loosing a thing, especially an ability – it comes with shock and DENIAL.  For over 8 decades, her own two legs have held her up.  She simply cannot face the idea that they may no longer.  Our indomitable hope in self and denial of need – it can be our undoing.

Is it just the 3-year-old or the 86-year-old that desire to eliminate waste and need?   Isn’t this what makes the world go round?   Perhaps the 3-year-old is hasn’t had the gravity of this world piled so high.  She’s not blind to it like the rest of us.  {I love these little people in my house that bring more clarity to this world!!!}

However, contrary to what my 3-year-old might think, we can’t just plug up a hole and never have need again.  We’ll never be done with the need for more food, and the elimination of waste.

As long as we draw breath, in our souls and in our bodies, these truths will continue to run their course.

Life needs.

Life creates waste.

Life depends.

We need food.  We need help.  We may not want to be dependent, but we are.  In this upside down economy of God’s – sometimes freedom – it comes in the asking, the receiving – it comes in the open palms.