a Rearranged Life

Speaking into my own years-long radio silence here today. I can’t even begin to play catch-up, so I will just speak for today.

Today we wrap up our third week in the PICU for what began as some midnight vomiting, then escalating his body into what is called status dystonia (or status dystonicus) and necessitating a medically induced coma. A CT that day revealed a bowel obstruction. Emergency surgery was performed that same day to remove a section of tangled bowel. In the days that followed, our boy wasn’t progressing, and still wasn’t moving his bowels. A second CT of his belly revealed that an abscess has formed in his abdominal cavity, as some contaminant or stool may have escaped during the surgery, causing this pool of fluid where it shouldn’t be.

2 days prior to this midnight wake-up call, we had put down our almost 3 year old pup, and I’m currently running faithful old Malcolm (Blue’s service dog of 8+ years) to the emergency vet for some more labored breathing while my husband waits in the hospital for our boy to come back from another CT. Tough as this all sounds, we’ve seen friends with children who have kernicterus endure far far more for much longer. (Take away: kernicterus is a four lettered word!) There are positives in the midst of this – the stable past few days our boy has had, the girls being able to visit with family, step away from the chaos and have fun during their spring break.

Today’s sermon was about worry and the Ebenezer’s that reveal God’s provision along the tough paths we’ve already endured.

I’ve been obsessed with painting rocks for the hospitals chapel rock garden this admission, and had totally been forgetting about this thing the Israelites did – posting rocks along the way as reminders, landmarks, of how God had carried them through impossible trials in their yesterdays.

Not sure what tomorrow holds, and feeling every bit of Micheal Card’s song, “In the Wilderness.” Here is an abbreviated version of the lyrics:

In the wilderness
He calls His sons and daughters
To the wilderness

But He gives grace sufficient
To survive any test
And that’s the painful purpose
Of the wilderness

In the wilderness we wander
In the wilderness we weep
In the wasteland of our wanting
Where the darkness seems so deep

We search for the beginning
For an exodus to hold
We find that those who follow Him
Must often walk alone

In the wilderness we’re wondering
For a way to understand
In the wilderness there’s not a way
For the ways become a man

And the man’s become the exodus
The way to holy ground
Wandering in the wilderness
Is the best way to be found

But He gives grace sufficient
To survive any test
And that’s the painful purpose
Of the wilderness

Groaning and growing
Amidst the desert days
The windy winter wilderness
Can blow the self away

In the wilderness
In the wilderness
He calls His sons and daughters
To the wilderness

But He gives grace sufficient
To survive any test
And that’s the painful purpose
Of the wilderness

And that’s the painful promise
Of the wilderness

From the wilderness…Ebenezer!