In today’s sermon there was mention of moments in the ER.
There was talk of the desperate self abandon that comes with motherly instinct and love.
Tears started streaming. I wonder, were they self-pity? Maybe.
For all of those who can live daily or hourly in those adrenaline flowing moments: I know it hits home with you more – to realize that you domain is in a state of emergency or can be at any moment. It doesn’t feel as if life is meant to be lived in this upside down way with panic and fear begging your attention at the drop of a hat.
But this mother’s day, I’m not lamenting the upside down things so much as taking in the sweet things that roll in with this tide. Last week I was wiping my boys tears in a room full of international doctors. They had a powerpoint slide of a severely jaundiced baby in critical condition, and I looked over to see my boy’s eyes well up with tears. As the tears streamed down, I wiped them from his face – something he cannot do for himself. Tears of my own threatened to erupt. He knows what happened to him. He feels compassion for sick babies. It slices me in two! And it also displays something beautiful in his intellect and heart all at once…
Today I bathed in the love of 3 children.
Today I could not believe that I get to be their mother.
Today I got PRECIOUS gifts from loving little hands and minds.
Today I feel as if the trials of life have brought me glasses to see through the haze and appreciate the infinite beauty in “the little things.” The little things would be haze and blur if not for these glasses. I would not know how to appreciate a child’s voice, pictures made by little hands, words given through laboriously choosing with eyes, if not for these trials.