I sometimes get buried. I think it came through loud and clear in the tangles last week. I can easily have what seem like negatives piled high around me. I start to think that all is darkness – that the sun and moon have suddenly fallen out of the sky, but not today. The clouds have lifted and I have felt a tremendous boost over the past few days, and am so grateful!
The boost, it hasn’t been in perfection, but in having a better perception of the light around me.
I didn’t realize quite how bad my attitude had gotten until Sunday while we were singing the thought came to me that I was standing on a highway, dreading the path ahead, and then glancing over my shoulder and seeing that the path behind me had been equally, if not more treacherous…and EBENEZER (this far the Lord has provided)!!! It was like a whisper:
Focus on the present, Miriam. Open your eyes to my gifts to you, right here and now. If you must look forward, don’t forget to look back, to see the testimony of my care for you!
In the boost I got a night off to go redeem some couponing goodies on my b-day. I had precious time with 2 friends + paint, + wine, a cigar with hubbs, and a much improved week with the kids.
We go to the dollar movies (a whopping total of $3 for 2 adults and 3 kids) almost every week during the summer, and at the end of every movie – we dance – up front. The thing that cracks me up, is that my kids don’t know what it’s like to go to the movies and not dance. It’s just “what we do.” This brings a huge smile to my face.
So back to it, wednesday we actually managed not only the movies+afterparty, but the park (getting out of the wheelchair and swinging, playing in the sand and sliding…all things that are ALWAYS daunting for me and I hadn’t done in years), the pet store, and frozen yogurt. It’s kind of unprecedented, folks! And it was all on 3-4 hours of broken sleep and following a night where the youngest slept horribly. And the unprecedented part…I MEAN IT, I’ve actually been feeling a tad bit on the guilty side because we have by no means been living up to the birder standards I set up a while back. We are more like netflix junkies this summer.
And just because we dance at the movies, don’t go thinking that I’m the coolest mom ever, don’t do it! In fact, my 5-year-old told me today, “You are grumpy all the time mom. You should try not to be so grumpy. More people would like you then.” If you could see my face, I’m laughing…not because she’s wrong and not because she’s right, just because she’s growing up way too fast. (As a disclaimer my grumpiness, in her world, may be tied to being allowed to get new shoes but not new ballet slippers etc., and the fact that I often deal with whining by telling them that they are taking my energy. And we all know Mommy needs energy to make the world go round.) Regardless, we dance and mom is sometimes grumpy…and really it’s a great day! (Did I mention that Kate had her first tangle free night last night?)
Today, I feel ecstatic to be able to claim successes on a day where we ate pizza for 3 meals in a row (because: hello, mommy had the energy to make her gluten-free-zucchini-pesto-goat-cheese-pizza from scratch on the night that we made 4 stops with tired kiddos and 2 appointments that followed!) And leftover pizza makes great breakfast and lunch when the energy reserve needs building!
We got out of pajamas and turned off the TV at 1:45…finally doing something fun (with the exception of that hour where the remote was lost and we had a temporary reminder to tap into our inner naturalist and watch the birds and bugs.)
But today with no nursing help and struggles all it’s own, we managed to eat 3 square meals, do a little cleaning, get outside, have some couch potato time to charge up the ol’ energy tanks and mommy is not may I repeat, not grumpy, but actually beaming from the gifts that have come…the renewed energy and strength and grace to keep on keeping on…and make nachos for Nacho Libre Daddy Night (I just decided to call it that now…trying to play this balance of fun but far from perfect mom.)
I’ve prayed for these things, and I have a strong suspicion that I have some friends out there that have been doing the same. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
A picture of our movie dancing for your viewing pleasure! Blessings to you, friends!
13 Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. 14 Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him,anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.
Awe girly, for some reason I cannot imagine you grumpy. 🙂 You are always such an inspiring mom. There are more Graces coming your way. Of that I am sure!