Laugh

In my recent MIA stint I’ve had my typical summer struggles and mini-dramas – most of them a mix of stress and humor.

For a while I was buried in what I later discovered was a particularly bad attitude.  One sunday while we were singing, my lightbulb came on.  I realized that on this highway I’ve been fixated on the difficulty ahead, defeated in every step.  In that illuminated moment, peaked over my shoulder to see the road behind, and I’ll tell you – it ain’t so smooth either!  Ebeneezer!  This far God has provided.  I have this testimony in my past, this story to remind me that he can continue to carry me through what seems impossible to me.

___________________

Apart from the fact that I’m over them (most of them, any way), I’ve noticed the thread of fundamental ideas tucked beneath the layers of pride: man’s innate goodness or evil – whether giving or withholding of things will make a child whole.  And it’s never so simple as anyone looks to make it, but this is what I wonder:

What kind of parent is God?

I can’t claim to know, but I do study this.  And I ponder: what kind of child am I?  Am I the child ever taking and never thanking my father?  Am I the child that has a razor sharp focus on the negative, so sharp that all the gifts piled round are a blur?

_________

I get misty eyed thinking about how my boy is about to turn 8-years-old.  Memories flood back, and I think of where I was on August 21 of 2005.  I rewind, I see myself anxiously anticipating the arrival of 2 men in my life.  My hubbs would soon be on route back home, and my son was due to be born in just a few short weeks.  I couldn’t wait to see my husbands face after his first months away….and to meet my boy!  These were happy days full of anticipation.  The days that followed carried the incredible gifts that came just 24 hours apart…my husband home and the birth of my first, my boy!  This is no new story – I know what followed that boundless joy – the heart-throbbing, gut-wrenching, scene that follows just a few short days later – the world upside down – the abilities stripped away from my 9 day old baby – the stain that lingers still.

But not today!

Not today, folks!

Today I don’t touch down there – today I digg my toes in the sand of THIS moment.

{FYI – dollar movies and the remote control have been a coping mechanism in our summer – and that’s okay with me, although it’s taken me time to get there.}

At the movies with the kids today, I remembered my days of waiting as I reveled in my boy’s laughter, and girls cuddled close.  It’s hard to explain, but anyone who has experienced it can tell you, that laugh – it is a GIFT like none other.  The boy enjoys a movie with every ounce of his being –

from his squealing laughter (on inhale),

to the belly laugh that follows,

to light-up-shoes forever flashing with his kicks of full-bodied excitement.

It can’t help but seep into your skin.  I bathed in my boys laughter today…and I remember his daddy’s laughter on one of those first dates.

There is something you should know.  My hubbs has “one of those” laughs.  A laugh that friends can’t help but join …and imitate.  It’s contagious and it’s Loud.  On one of those first dates at the movies – I’d never heard anyone laugh so hard.  I hate to admit it, but I think I might have slipped down in my seat a little.  Some of the best things in life aren’t appreciated on their first run – and this was one of them for me.  I didn’t know what to make of it.

These days, that laugh makes me toss my head back and laugh without inhibitions.  I hold his hand a little tighter.

Today I don’t linger on the hairpin turn in our story.  This day – I give thanks for these 2 men and the laughter that the Lord has carried into my life with them.   On this day, 8 years ago I was getting ready to kiss 2 amazing men that I love dearly and to embrace this crazy laughter that has come with them.

Thank you, Father, for these men and their zesty laughter that seasons our life – for bringing them home to me!  I see more daily how dim my vision is.  I see by the light of the moon, but in the dawn, all will be revealed – this plan – the hard bits of training – I will see it fully when the day breaks, when I meet you face to face.  

A father loves to see his child’s confidence in his love – that they have confidence that all he does is in their best interest….that they notice the kind things he does for them.  This child lingers in their father’s arms.  I have no idea how you can be majestic GOD of the universe and intimate father – and yet you are, and I thank you for being Abba and bringing this laughter into my life!  May I and all who read this linger in your arms!

Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble? – Job 2:10

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! – I John 3

Linking up with great community over at Imperfect Prose today
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