First Loves First

iphones for dinner

I don’t know them.  I don’t know their story.  At dinner one night, I couldn’t help myself.  I snapped this picture discretely, although I’m not sure they would have noticed if I hadn’t been discreet!  Perhaps their was a family emergency that had them desperately researching information, or they’d had a long day of chatting and needed a break …or maybe this is what their days look like.  Heck, maybe they are cousins! Whatever the case, it was ONE meal (albeit the entire meal) in time and I’m not here to point fingers.

What I am here to tell you is this: It’s easy to have marriage feel the way this looks – a million little things calling for your attention while you barely look at the face across the table.


It’s personal

…the letter, I mean.

Although I won’t share it here, I need to tell you that it happened, …and that it matters.

A few days ago, I read Amber Hane’s blog about Marriage Letters, and was inspired.  I wrote my own letter to my man, and I gave it every bit of attention that I give my blogs.  (How did I not think of this before?!?!)

In the early days of our long distance romance, writing was a key part of our relationship.  We lived for each others letters.  Each typed word slowly pulled back the curtain on who we were, how we thought, how we loved.  Fast forward 3 kiddos and almost 10 years, and the poor man is lucky if he gets a sticky note reminder!

I mentally pay homage to the idea that he is my love daily.  Glance at how my hours are spent, and you might never see it – that my marriage takes a front row seat.   Would you see it from my blog posts, social media?  I’m not sure you would.  (And speaking of first loves: my man takes priority among those among us that are human.  But, my heavenly father is my first-first-love, if you know what I mean, and much of what I’m saying applies to that relationship as well.)

Recently a sweet friend posted a note on facebook that essentially said,

“[All the status updates, pins and talk of kids and projects for our kids are great

…but what about our marriages?]”

Of course, kids matter.  Of course, friends are important.  Of course, social media has value.  …but sometimes there is nothing left after we’ve given to the things that beg the most of our attention.  And the less important things?  Those are the ones that usually yell loudest in our immediate proximity – they seem to take the cake.  They suck our time, our energy, our life…

As Franklin Covey says,

“Don’t get buried in the thick of thin things.”

While living intentionally is an immense topic all to itself, I just want to encourage you in this question:

What are you doing to love your first loves first?

For me, the division of my time may always be lopsided.  Motherhood, special needs, causes, they may take big chunks of time, but my man needs to feel my love too.  Sometimes, that just might just look like blogging for an audience of 1!

3 thoughts on “First Loves First

  1. Sometimes I think of how far we’ve come and feel a thrill. Sometimes I think of how far we’ve come and feel completely and utterly depressed, if you know what I mean. Depends upon the angle and the topic. Yours are good questions to ask. Glad you wrote to your feller even if you won’t share 🙂

if you'd like to email, you may do so at arearrangedlife at gmail dot com

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