I had a talk with God in the shower last night. I needed water. I need it to flow down.
I checked facebook yesterday to find a hard chapter in a friend’s life.
The morning of thanksgiving his oldest girl, 19? with future bright, was on the road. Only Nicole never made it where she was headed. A horrible auto accident has had her laid up in the ICU ever since, fighting for her life, in a coma. They were able to put in a trach last night. No one knows what her future holds…not the neurosurgeon, not her parents, no one.
Nicole is a beautiful daughter, a girl I babysat a bit in my college days, the daughter of the youth pastor I worked with, the guy who counseled us before we were married, who would go the extra mile for a soul, any soul. He was the one we called the night we were married, when we decided that maybe that the marriage on paper was a real one (long story).
I hurt for them. Their story is their own, and yet somehow it mingles, it triggers my own memories, memories of the first time I walked into an ICU to say goodbye to my dear friend Stephenie, her mom touching her soft warm skin, only she was already gone. My second time in ICU was when my own boy’s life and future were very uncertain. And it’s heavy.
The desperation to do something, the fervor to check facebook every 5 minutes – it can eat you alive. So today I step back from facebook and I pray. I read Psalm 27 again and remember the Why and Until. I enter the sanctuary. I pray for Nicole’s younger sisters, I pray for her dad’s job (he’s a prison chaplain…and he’s one of few people I know with a heart big enough for the job), for rest for her parents, for her future, for the “Why?” and “Please no!” that rise up in my own heart as I think of Nicole, and another child, Nicholas. (Nicholas is a boy with Blue’s condition that is now under the care of hospice, living his last days.) Christmas is rough for so many!
Nicole’s mom wrote this morning about how this is a Christmas they’d rather skip where she hasn’t thought of gifts even once. She goes on to say this:
We can’t skip Christmas because God gave his son Jesus to die for our sins. He put his son where I would not have placed Nicole and where I would give anything to have her snatched from. I know God knows my pain.
God has given us hope pressed down and running over by each new encouragement and each prayer that we hear has been lifted up for her. We are holding on to God’s love and hope. My friends you all have given us hope: Pressed down, shaken together, and running over
We have hope in good measure because of your continued love and encouragement. Thank You
As I pray for Nicole this day, and think of the medical bills piling, I get the email I’ve been waiting for – I’m in with Noonday…in time for Christmas! The 2 have NOTHING to do with one another, but maybe they should. Noonday is an INCREDIBLE company that goes way beyond fair trade and they are worth reading up on, but that’s beside the point. As I roll out this new little business, I’ve decided:
For December, I will be giving all of my commission from Noonday to Nicole’s family.
(If you place your order today or tomorrow (16th or 17th of December) in the US, you will have it in time for Christmas.)
I feel helpless, being far away, but this is one thing that we can do, one way that we can be hands and feet for Nicole and her family (and the artisans, communities, and orphans enriched by Noonday’s innovative business). It will be a drop in the bucket, but it’s a drop worth making!
Please pray for Nicole and her family! Prayer updates are posted here.
As for that talk with God, tears fell, water washed clear the dirt of this world. Again I could see. We will see in full one day “the goodness of the Lord” and until then, even amidst the hurt, there are glimmers for all who will look!
I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.
14 Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!