I’m a Wreck

Go ahead.  Call me a wimp.  Call me dramatic, but today…it was rotten, and here is where I tell myself why…

Yesterday was for “me-time.”  That same “me-time” that had been sidelined with the weeks of dental pain, nausea, pain meds (the drama of the new “tooth-hole”).  And then, the very day it ceased, it took a back seat to that wild dog that you just up and decided to adopt.  And, you are a fixer – so the dog went to doggie college – you know so he can learn how to sit in a crate without BUSTING off the door, jumping on windows, tearing up blinds…

First the first time in weeks, you were dressed.  Makeup on.  Ready to go.

…and the phone rang,

each ring paying its respects to your now deceased “me-time”.

It was one of those drop-everything-your-a-gonna-spend-the-day-on-the-phone-so-your-boy-can-have-the-essential-equipment-that-you’d-already-squared-away-calls.  4 hours later, a patch was fixed.  Misunderstanding between the doc’s office, the therapy office, the equipment company and our fam were all cleared up.

…but the house was still a mess, groceries were pushed back to a mad dash.

Sitting in your car, typing that last email on your phone to the 6 or so parties involved,

I crawled up on you – this idea: this wild re-sorting – it was as you’d been REAR ENDED.  Emotions, fear, shuffling, so many of the same motions.

In college, you were actually rear ended.  At 19 this was a new phenomenon.  All of a sudden, and due to no fault of your own, your life took a shift.  …logging hours on the phone, waiting for the insurance adjuster, rearranging life, and your pervading thought:

How the?  What the?  Why? Why must I do all the work when I’m not at fault?  Why must my life be rearranged from this?

In all of your 19-year-old wisdom I could NOT get passed it.

And here you are again, realizing that in hard-knocks-life…

a lot people get “rear ended” on a daily basis.

No idea where it’s coming from of when – but they have to live through the emotions and anger…all. the. time.

And that leads me to today.  Today was raw.  No way around it – it was dark.  The clouds closed in.

You find yourself crying in the corner of a room…

because the garage makes you want to hyperventilate?

because you spent 4 hours on the phone yesterday to trouble shoot some drop-everything calls for the “special” in your life?

because you are just tired?

because the future is uncertain?

because you feel the pressing needs to impact change, to support others when you feel like you are teetering on the edge of the boat yourself?

words locked in too long?

Something.  Everything.  Nothing.

And that dang 7 Habits – the book you were too proud to read because it wasn’t a literary treasure – it keeps shouting truth at you – “Back to the core!”  “Move toward what matters.”  “Stop spinning wheels.”

The whole house will not be clean in a day.  The words will not all come out.  All will not be fixed. You will still be a wreck.  Tomorrow has enough trouble of it’s own.

On your knees woman!

Be still.

It’s there that you will find your mission statement

…where you find the words that remind you – that’s there’s more to life than the hard knocks – that just maybe they are being used to soften you into something better.

Be filled….and remember that you got to walk away from this wreck.

Give thanks
…and now you can see beyond yourself, now you are equipped to reach out again.

7 thoughts on “I’m a Wreck

  1. Oh hon. What I wouldn’t give to come over to your house, make you a hot tea, hold your hand, … and laugh or cry, or a little bit of both.

  2. Swinging over from Emily’s place. I loved the energy of this piece – crazy energy, but nonetheless, you conveyed your state of mind beautifully. And, then the coming back to stillness, to calm, and that cherry on the top – grace. I tend toward this wild racing mind myself and of all God’s words, his Psalm 46:10 speaks most directly to my heart, especially in those moments when I need it most. “Be still and know that I am God.” Well, alright then.


    • Thank you so much Carolynn!!! Your words are a blessing and encouragement to me! May He fill you with the peace in the stillness, wherever you are! – miriam

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