“Silence the critical editor in your head.” 5 minutes of writing. No editing.
We were a family. We were 3. Were 1 family. We were together.
Hubbs had just flown in from South America.
Babe had just been born into this world…mere hours after hubbs stepped off the plane.
We were together.
We ate slept and breathed in synchrony.
Not that there was much sleep to be had, but there was – US…home.
All the fears, the worries, that he might not make it home, that baby might not arrive safely, they were calmed. All was well. All was bright.
We were encapsulated in bliss for days on end…but an end came.
My son’s jaundice – that yellow stuff that the pediatrician kept saying was no big deal, it began to quickly take the life from my son, to invade his beautiful new mind.
And then…then, on the 9th day it was a mad rush to the ER, to the ICU.
There were whispers of brain damage….but not the kind that took his mind – the kind that took his body, leaving him with movements beyond his control.
And then – babe was taken from arms.
Grief for lost abilities laid down.
Babe did come back in to my arms. We were then broken but together.
Our babe is now 8 and is left with much disability, and we grieve not his loss, but the things he’s lost. Truth is, even in the dark of that ICU, of the grief that strikes us each still, that threatens isolation, we are still together – together with the one who is closer than a brother, always, we celebrate the life and joy that our boy has!
And this, this I must remember – to cry out, to look to my side and remember, He is with me.
We are together, and there is beauty rearranged in this. All of the best beauties are rearranged like this – in the broken. And yes, there are tears, but there is also JOY in this place!