I long for simplicity. Simple. “This is good.” “That is bad.” – Yes, Please!
But no…we all live in an ugly-beautiful complexity beyond my grasp.
In the morning pre-school-scurry I read this post by Robert Rummel-Hudson, author of Schuyler’s Monster.
This resonates. That frustration. The barriers to voice. The technical difficulties. The public awkwardness. I know those…although from our own unique angle.
Words don’t come easy for our kids.
The post hit home. There is a part of me that finds comfort in this type of article. It takes away a tad bit of loneliness. We don’t live this reality alone.
My thoughts were interrupted. Our nifty little apple TV box was not working. Their movie was not coming on quick enough! (Yes, movie in the morning before school so mom can shower. Judge if you like! I’m pretty much done with Mommy guilt over TV…or at least I think I am. My boy can’t hold a toy or a book, but he can soak in and learn from everything around him…so when I need to get things done…yes. TV happens.)
So back to that. The show would not come on. Internet issues. Restarting. Dots flashing around in circle. Waiting. Back to menu.
In those moments, my girls were loosing it.
It was there that I remembered my “love and logic” parenting class…that you actually WANT your child to be frustrated early in life.
They say that you want to train them to deal with and overcome obstacles…to deal with the less than easy things early…so that when they inevitably come later in life, they can keep their cool and push through. The thought being: Who wants to deal with adults that act like whinny 2-year-olds when they don’t get their way?
My girls learning patience with the TV – got it.
My boy learning patience through endless barriers and obstacles to COMMUNICATION – hmm….not so simple.
Not. Simple. At. All.
Is pain ever simple? There can be so much pain and angst in the silence. It’s so much more.
Does the same “love and logic” apply? It is building something in him, isn’t it? Everything is working toward something. The super human amount of patience required in waiting, stumbling, and struggling mercilessly to have a voice – it’s all time in the gym that is building muscle somewhere. Where? Muscles of character?
It may just make those deep wells deeper.
I think I see it happening. I see glimmers of it…the beauty in the ashes. And don’t get me wrong…they are ashes…this is brokenness…it’s not all smiles and sunshine. The disabilities are negatives that need to be constantly added in prayer.
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. I certainly don’t know what the teen years will bring. I do know there will be many more tears between here and whatever the future brings…tears of pain and joy. Are tears ever simple?
I pray that I can see it with the eyes of faith…the “love and logic” of what the Father does each day. I pray that my children will have eyes for this.
Pardon the repetition, but I cannot leave James 1. It will take a lifetime to learn this:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds,because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. – James 1:2-8 (NIV)
For my gift counting…pictures mostly today! Here are a few scribbled in the journal:
1045. Time with hubs at Starbucks
1046. Reading the word with hubby
1049. Minutes at home to self!
1050. Coffee and cookies for breakfast
1055. The colors of autumn
1061. The back porch
1062. A meal at a friends house
1063. Easy comfortable time – in that home
1065. Time at the farm with my loves
You can see full size pics by clicking and then using arrows to scroll. Thanks for stopping by!